van

How We End Up… With An Awkward Photo of Kayla Riley and An Extended Visit from Uncle Pervy (Part 2)

Part 2: An Extended Visit from Uncle Pervy

(If you haven’t read part 1 yet, go here.)

Once Kayla left the room to introduce the first band, the conversation shifted back to the van. I learned they lovingly called it, ‘Uncle Pervy’ because it looked like a van your creepy, perverted uncle would drive. They had all kinds of jokes and stories about Uncle Pervy’s misadventures.

Smile's Set

Smile’s Set

During the show, I sent texts to a cousin who lived nearby. I asked her if she had a spot where I could park a large van for a day or two. I didn’t give her any more information than that. She gave me the address for her church. That seemed like a perfectly fitting spot to hide a church van for a few days.

HURT's Set

HURT’s Set

After the show, I grabbed the spare set of keys for Uncle Pervy, gave the guys the address to drop off the van, and made the drive from Nashville to Chattanooga. I was only going to be able to grab an hour of sleep before I needed to be at work, but it was okay. I hadn’t had a significant amount of caffeine in months, so I stopped at a gas station before I got to my hotel and loaded up on energy drinks and Starbucks.

Morning After Pills

Morning After Pills

As soon as I woke up, I was incredibly thirsty.  So I downed everything in the picture within minutes. That proved to be a great move because between a sugar rush, caffeine high, and pure adrenaline, I delivered high energy presentations all day. Since I recruit for a technical college, I was traveling with a PA, folding tables, and several boxes of DVDs and other swag. A few kids helped me tear down my gear when the event was over and load up my car. They thought it would be funny to put a giant fake mustache on the front of my Hyundai. It was perfect. Uncle Pervy’s mustache was found! I put the mustache on him as soon as I got to him, and it was a match made in heaven.

When it came time to bring Uncle Pervy home, I verified with the guys that he was safe to drive, and they assured me he was. When I first opened his old rusty door, I honestly got a little depressed. I couldn’t believe a band that had so much talent, such a large fan base, and could be heard on radio stations from coast to coast was touring out of that van. At that moment, I gained so much more respect for this band that I already loved.

I jumped in, started him up, and began to take Uncle Pervy to my place. We were just outside of Nashville before I realized that he basically tops out at 65 mph. I stopped for gas and as I started to merge back onto the interstate, I was nearly killed trying to get up to speed. The speedometer seemed to lock in place at just over 35 mph and I couldn’t get out of the way of the fast approaching traffic. When I realized he wasn’t going to get any faster I hit the shoulder and stopped. Suddenly all the jokes and comments about J doing 35 on the interstate made sense. I turned the van off, called my wife, explained what was happening, and told her to be ready to come get me if I couldn’t get him up to speed. After about ten minutes, I started him up and this time I had no problems getting up to speed.

My friend Cat housed Pervy for a bit at her place, she referred to him as "Creepy Rape Van"

My friend Cat housed Pervy for a bit at her place, she referred to him as “Creepy Rape Van”

Once I got Uncle Pervy home, I was able to show him a good time. I took him to the mall, the playground, gravel roads, and Midtown Memphis. Each time he drew a lot of attention. He was camera friendly so I took plenty of photos of him to send back to the band so they could see their old pal was having a good time.

After several discussions the band decided it was time to part ways with their much loved family member. I cleaned up Uncle

Blood and Grease from Bringing Uncle Pervy Back to Life!

Blood and Grease from Bringing Uncle Pervy Back to Life!

Pervy and made a few necessary repairs.  I sold him before the tour ended for more than what the band had originally paid! Uncle Pervy was sold to a man who was taking a youth group to church camp. He was finally home again.

When the tour rolled through Memphis, I had a heart-to-heart with the band about their touring conditions. I explained to them that I had access to dealers-only auto auctions and sent students to school to learn how to do custom vehicles. I told them that when they were ready to purchase another vehicle to let me get involved. I had all the necessary connections to provide a much better set up than what they were using. When I got the phone call about the ambulance, it was déjà vu. I still had the connections, I still had the desire to help, and most importantly… I still had the mustache. As soon as the ambulance arrived, the first thing I did was put the mustache on her and sent the guys a picture. She didn’t have a name, so I referred to her as Pervy 2.0 until we came up with her name. She will NOT have the mustache when we are done. I will save it for the next HURT touring vehicle.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING, I would love to see comments in the thread below sharing YOUR HURT stories. The crazier the better.

Bo

The Tour Schedule Posted Inside of the Van

The Tour Schedule Posted Inside of the Van

Uncle Pervy's Day Off

Uncle Pervy’s Day Off

Junk in Trunk

Bunks

Engine

Driver’s Seat and Engine

Passanger Side Drivers Side Backside

All cleaned up and ready for a new beginning

All cleaned up and ready for a new beginning

Advertisements